Posts tagged ‘Indiana ‘




He Wasn’t The Love Of My Life Or Anything


Two Peas in a Pod

Image by plushoff via Flickr

But, he was a really awesome friend and companion.

We met when both of our situations would have been listed, on Facebook, as “it’s complicated”. I won’t go into ALL the details, but even though we haven’t seen each other in two or three years, he is still very much a part of my daily life and according to him, I am never far from his thoughts, either.

When he was getting out of his complicated situation and separating from the military, I helped him clean out and clear his base housing. In the process I got a lot of household goods that might have cost some serious dough, even at the local Goodwill (which is where I helped him dispose of the things that I could not make use of). I inherited a crock-pot, some blankets and bedspreads, tablecloths, winter gear for the kids, some shelves and including some yarn and crochet needles.

I make use of the crock-pot every other day, when I work and the yarn and crochet needles I used to start my crafting business, all as a direct result of his generosity. The blanket that is currently covering my bed, once belonged to him. He’s everywhere in my life.

At one time, I considered a serious relationship with him but he decided to move back home to Indiana after he got out of the Army. I desperately wanted to ask him to stay in Colorado, but my situation was just as complicated as his was, so I didn’t feel that it was appropriate to ask him to stay.

We have stayed in touch, regularly, since he moved away and since then, both of our situations have cleared up, substantially, but our lives have not settled down. Neither one of us has been able to find a satisfying relationship that even came close to the friendship and closeness that we had. And, we did have quite a bit of fun, together. We both enjoyed singing and karaoke, A LOT. In fact, that is how we met (I used to host two shows on a nearby military post, back in those days and he would come to both shows). Then, one night we met at an alternate karaoke show, struck up conversation and it was like we never stopped talking, daily, for three months until he moved away. We were like two peas in a pod, constantly together at either of our homes. My kids liked him; even my pets.

Never in any of our conversations or exchanges have I ever felt disrespected. He is and has always been a gentleman when dealing with me. Nowadays I meet a man and he’s all about sex. I’m not saying that he isn’t, but it’s more like an afterthought, it’s never the focus of conversation. In every conversation he asks about my children and how they are doing, what are they up to and he listens when I answer him. When we would go out, he was always a gentleman.  I still have pictures of the day he hosted a garage sale and he let my kids set up a kool-aid stand and even though we had few customers that day, he gave the kids $20 for all their “hard work”. He doesn’t have any kids of his own, but he doted on mine and that endeared me to him, as well.

I hadn’t heard from him in a while and then he pops up on my phone texting me. We shoot the breeze for a bit and I think I probably won’t hear from him for a bit, since this was more or less our standard “body check” (to make sure the other was still alive and kicking). I didn’t expect to hear from him for another month or two. But, yesterday he pops up on my Facebook and asks me, “what if…” as in “what if he had stayed in Colorado” and we start going back and forth and reminiscing and he tells me, flat out, that if I told him that he had a chance, he would come back. I called his bluff and told him, flat out, “come to Colorado, I’m willing to try if you are”.

I did try to deter him, coming clean about some things he might not have known about me then that I make sure that everybody knows now and that is a) I’m an atheist (I know that he’s religious) and b) I’m a progressive liberal (I know that his politics actually lean in my same direction). He knew I was polyamorous, but he wants a monogamous relationship. I believe in polyamory, but right now, I’d rather have a loving monogamous relationship than no relationships, at all, because I refuse to budge on that issue. The worst that can happen is that we break up and I go back to being polyamorous (full-time, we might say) or the best that can happen is that we work out and I don’t even miss polyamory at all. Needless to say, he told me that our differences were not a deterrent for him, he wanted to give us a chance.

We talked for two hours, tonight and it wasn’t the typical dancing around each other, but we got straight to the nitty-gritty and what we were looking for and what we wanted; exchanging notes about our crappy dating situations between then and now and how we are going to get on with the business of coming back together and starting a real relationship without “complications” to interfere.

I’m feeling really hopeful about this new development.

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Add a comment March 4, 2011

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