Posts tagged ‘Colorado ‘




He’s All The Man That I Need


Relationship Status Update

Image by joelaz via Flickr

It’s been a bit since I updated, but I’ve been busy with work and life and such. Sometimes my days and time becomes muddy so I’m lucky to even get a chance to thread together a coherent thought to yell at my kids about their rooms or plan anything, let alone a blog post.

Luckily, that hasn’t stopped me from being in daily communications with “Johnny”. Since he came back into my life, it’s been a complete and total whirlwind that even included some turmoil for a couple of days while I figured out what the heck was really going on.

To be completely truthful, he’s the reason that I got divorced a few years back. Well, not “HIM” per se, but knowing that there was a man out in the world that found it easy to love me and express himself and knowing that there was a man who was capable of being considerate to women, not just concerned with whether or not he was going to get sex, THAT motivated me to get out of my marriage when the main reason that I had stayed for so long was my fear of dating again. Of course, that fear has been validated as every experience I have had, up to now, was precisely the exact reason that I had stayed married for too long. Of course, being divorced, finally, and therefore single, meant that I was (am) available when “HE” finally showed (back) up in my life. This is probably a good time to plug the whole idea of “timing is everything”.

He’s far from “perfect”, but then, again, who isn’t, right? But, he expresses his feeling for me daily and even hourly (if the male chauvinists of the world knew how expressive he is, he’d probably lose his “man-card” for sure), never missing an opportunity to tell me how he feels about me and what his plans are for our future (he wants to marry me).

He adores my kids. For a while now, I have to admit that I sized up many of the men I was meeting based on whether or not I could see them playing with my kids. Many of them eliminated themselves by speaking only in terms of having sex with me and never in terms of spending time with my family, but one or two I simply had to say “no thank you” because I could tell they were not proper parental material.

We do talk about sex, but not in that TMI “what do you like” kind of way but in a way that I find respectful and far less demeaning. It’s more like, “what are we doing on Thursday? Sex? Cool. On Friday, we’ll go hiking.” It’s a far cry from every text or message being about what my favorite position may be or what his is.

Every day we exchange text messages and Facebook messages, all day long and we are on the phone for hours at a time, every evening. I post video messages on my page every morning and every evening and I send him a picture of me via mobile phone, every day.

He passed the “Facebook status update test”. I’m a student and a devourer of all things social networking and media, so it was somewhat important to know how he felt about such things. He jumped at the chance to change our relationship status and make it public. The guys I had met over the past couple of years waffled at the the idea of being connected to me, which to me was a red flag that they were not as serious as they claimed about our relationship. Even though I continued to date them, I kind of knew it wasn’t going to work out because there was always that air of insecurity about our relationship status. It sounds silly, but if you think about it, if a guy is not ready to declare his status and you are, it’s clear that you are not on the same page (even if he’s a nice guy) and so you have to decide whether or not to continue, especially if you are more invested than he is. We all know that, rarely, if ever, works out. I have yet to see a real exception to the rule, but feel free to correct me if it worked out for you (I don’t mind being proven wrong). Manipulation and games don’t count; no offense.

I had a bout with insecurity a few days ago because he seemed to fall off the face of the planet for a couple of days. One day, granted, I should have known better, because he did kind of warn me ahead of time and his “behavior” or lack thereof was definitely uncharacteristic of everything I have known of him for years, but the second day gave me fits because I couldn’t find anything in what he said that gave me any clue as to what happened to him. The fabulous thing is that I was free to vent my insecurity without feeling like I was groveling or begging for forgiveness or his attention and projecting myself as needy, but rather I was able to express my concern that I hadn’t heard from him and that I was worried that he was hurt or something. He explained what happened and reassured me that it was not on purpose and apologized for making me worry to begin with.

We are on the same path, ready for the same relationship, coming to the same fork in the road and ready to make the same turn, right or wrong, together. I am so happy that he waited for me and so glad that he loved me enough to ask me for a chance for us to be together. I’m even looking forward to being his wife, one day.

Now, I’m just waiting for his butt to land in Colorado so we can really get this show on the road…

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2 comments March 14, 2011

He Wasn’t The Love Of My Life Or Anything


Two Peas in a Pod

Image by plushoff via Flickr

But, he was a really awesome friend and companion.

We met when both of our situations would have been listed, on Facebook, as “it’s complicated”. I won’t go into ALL the details, but even though we haven’t seen each other in two or three years, he is still very much a part of my daily life and according to him, I am never far from his thoughts, either.

When he was getting out of his complicated situation and separating from the military, I helped him clean out and clear his base housing. In the process I got a lot of household goods that might have cost some serious dough, even at the local Goodwill (which is where I helped him dispose of the things that I could not make use of). I inherited a crock-pot, some blankets and bedspreads, tablecloths, winter gear for the kids, some shelves and including some yarn and crochet needles.

I make use of the crock-pot every other day, when I work and the yarn and crochet needles I used to start my crafting business, all as a direct result of his generosity. The blanket that is currently covering my bed, once belonged to him. He’s everywhere in my life.

At one time, I considered a serious relationship with him but he decided to move back home to Indiana after he got out of the Army. I desperately wanted to ask him to stay in Colorado, but my situation was just as complicated as his was, so I didn’t feel that it was appropriate to ask him to stay.

We have stayed in touch, regularly, since he moved away and since then, both of our situations have cleared up, substantially, but our lives have not settled down. Neither one of us has been able to find a satisfying relationship that even came close to the friendship and closeness that we had. And, we did have quite a bit of fun, together. We both enjoyed singing and karaoke, A LOT. In fact, that is how we met (I used to host two shows on a nearby military post, back in those days and he would come to both shows). Then, one night we met at an alternate karaoke show, struck up conversation and it was like we never stopped talking, daily, for three months until he moved away. We were like two peas in a pod, constantly together at either of our homes. My kids liked him; even my pets.

Never in any of our conversations or exchanges have I ever felt disrespected. He is and has always been a gentleman when dealing with me. Nowadays I meet a man and he’s all about sex. I’m not saying that he isn’t, but it’s more like an afterthought, it’s never the focus of conversation. In every conversation he asks about my children and how they are doing, what are they up to and he listens when I answer him. When we would go out, he was always a gentleman.  I still have pictures of the day he hosted a garage sale and he let my kids set up a kool-aid stand and even though we had few customers that day, he gave the kids $20 for all their “hard work”. He doesn’t have any kids of his own, but he doted on mine and that endeared me to him, as well.

I hadn’t heard from him in a while and then he pops up on my phone texting me. We shoot the breeze for a bit and I think I probably won’t hear from him for a bit, since this was more or less our standard “body check” (to make sure the other was still alive and kicking). I didn’t expect to hear from him for another month or two. But, yesterday he pops up on my Facebook and asks me, “what if…” as in “what if he had stayed in Colorado” and we start going back and forth and reminiscing and he tells me, flat out, that if I told him that he had a chance, he would come back. I called his bluff and told him, flat out, “come to Colorado, I’m willing to try if you are”.

I did try to deter him, coming clean about some things he might not have known about me then that I make sure that everybody knows now and that is a) I’m an atheist (I know that he’s religious) and b) I’m a progressive liberal (I know that his politics actually lean in my same direction). He knew I was polyamorous, but he wants a monogamous relationship. I believe in polyamory, but right now, I’d rather have a loving monogamous relationship than no relationships, at all, because I refuse to budge on that issue. The worst that can happen is that we break up and I go back to being polyamorous (full-time, we might say) or the best that can happen is that we work out and I don’t even miss polyamory at all. Needless to say, he told me that our differences were not a deterrent for him, he wanted to give us a chance.

We talked for two hours, tonight and it wasn’t the typical dancing around each other, but we got straight to the nitty-gritty and what we were looking for and what we wanted; exchanging notes about our crappy dating situations between then and now and how we are going to get on with the business of coming back together and starting a real relationship without “complications” to interfere.

I’m feeling really hopeful about this new development.

Add a comment March 4, 2011

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