What’s the last good book you read?

The last good book that I remember reading was "Cell" by Stephen King.

Ask A Silly Question, I'll Give A Silly Answer!


Add a comment February 23, 2011

Diva Day: Learning To Enjoy Being Alone

This morning, I took a hot bubble bath and for lunch, I took myself out to Starbucks for a red velvet cupcake and a white chocolate mocha. It’s a weekly tradition that I have tried to participate in for 20 years.

I call it a “Diva Day”, now, but 20 years ago I used to call it a “Bitch Day” because I used to claim that day as an opportunity to say “no” where I might usually say “yes”. If I didn’t want to do it, I didn’t. Eventually, people who knew me knew not to ask unless it was the day before or the day after.

It’s not a huge deal, but it’s kind of a mental health day; an opportunity for me to get out around other adults. I don’t have to wait for a special date or any other special occasion; it’s Monday, Diva Day. It’s one way that I have learned to appreciate being single and being alone, even if others around me are coupled up. On Diva Day the point is NOT to share; the point is to relish the solitude and not having to explain the why or the how of anything.

Diva Day is a way to remind myself of why being single can be a lot of fun, such as not having to share my cake or rush to finish mine because I’m on somebody else’s schedule. I can go and sit and purposefully enjoy the swirled whipped icing, either using my fingertips or my tongue. I can catch the crumbs from the cake in my hands and pop them in my mouth or lick the palm of my hand like a youngster might do. I can get as big a coffee as I want or as many cupcakes as I fancy without concern, because I’m paying my own way so I can get exactly what I want without having to weigh out the possible “expectations”. It doesn’t matter where I sit or how I sit, I’m not sending out any kind of mixed signals except maybe “I wish I could sit in a comfy chair instead of this lame wooden one”. An added bonus is that 85% of other people there are also there alone, so nobody questions why I’m by myself. Of course, they may be pissed that I took one of the comfy seats, but hey, “you snooze, you lose…”

Sometimes a Diva Day takes me to the movies or to a restaurant, rather than a coffee and cupcake.

Each Diva Day that I actively participate in (since I sometimes get side-tracked by work, weather, or life, in general), is more empowering because it acts as a reminder that I do not have to be with someone else to enjoy myself; my happiness in “this moment” (or that one) does not need to rely on the presence of an “other” (significant or otherwise).

I enjoy my alone time, immensely. I’ve never really been the kind of woman that needed a guy in my stratosphere at all times, anyway. I’m more than happy to let the man/men in my life have all the space they needed (so long as we both still made time for the relationship/s).

Diva Day is still important, even when I’m in a positive, long-term relationship. Granted, I let it slide when I got married and had babies and finding time for myself was more about grabbing a moment than grabbing an afternoon. Now, thankfully, my kids are old enough to watch out for themselves for a few hours while I take myself out on my weekly jaunt.

Whether you call it “me time” or “a personal day” or “bitch day” or even, Diva Day, I highly recommend taking yourself out as part of a good mental health regimen, whether you are single or not.

Add a comment February 22, 2011

Where Do You Get Your Energy From?

You Get Your Energy From Goals

You are a driven and results oriented person. You always have an end goal in sight.

You bring a lot of purpose and meaning to your life. For you, small decisions and actions matter.

You feel like you are on an important mission, and you do your best not to lose focus.

For you, nothing feels better than accomplishment. You love being productive.

Where Do You Get Your Energy From?
Blogthings: We’re Not Shrinks, But We Play Them On the Internet

Add a comment February 21, 2011

Open & Shut: Things I’m Open To or Not

Today’s topic: Deal-breakers and things I’m open to.

(Disclaimer: Your mileage may vary)

For instance, I’m polyamorous, so I’m open to my partner(s) having sex outside the relationship. But, a deal-breaker would be my partner(s) lying to me about having sex outside the relationship. It’s the lying not the sex that is the deal-breaker.

Unless we are married or in a long-term committed relationship (that will likely lead to marriage or a reasonable facsimile), unprotected sex is a deal-breaker. Finding out that my potential partner or even a current partner has or has recently contracted an STD is not a deal-breaker unless it involves something already previously mentioned as a deal-breaker.

I have a great sense of humor, but some jokes are unacceptable to me, including racist or sexist jokes, jokes about handicapped people, fat people or gay people. I don’t care how many people you are buddies with that fit the above descriptions, share them with your buddies, not me.

Ending up as “Friends with Benefits” is not necessarily a deal-breaker, so long as we both agree at the beginning of the relationship that is the label we are ready to wear. But, I’ve got to admit if the relationship is heavier on the “benefits” than it is on the “friends” side, then that is a deal-breaker.

Labels are important to me, in order to help me determine what kind of relationship I am involved in. Having an aversion to naming the relationship (be it “friends with benefit” or “boyfriend/girlfriend”, for instance), is a deal-breaker.

A guy considered overweight and possibly obese, according to the latest BMI standards, is just fine with me. Jerks, regardless of size, are a deal-breaker.

I am hardly ever late and I appreciate when my partner shows up within 15 minutes of our planned meeting time. Showing up an hour later or not at all (without calling ahead) is a deal-breaker. Granted, if you are holed up in the hospital, in traction or in a coma, you won’t be calling me anytime soon, anyway. I can call this on a case by case basis, and then follow a three-strikes rule. After the 3rd late/missed date, total deal-breaker.

Being open and talkative about past or current relationships and baggage is not a deal-breaker. But, referring to your ex (or any woman) as “that bi&^h, that ho, that c*&t, or that tramp” (even if you have several pieces of documented evidence to prove it) is a total deal-breaker. In my book, if you are harboring so much anger that you are still calling the ex names, then that’s more baggage than I want to deal with and in turn I would expect you to hit the decks if I was still openly angry at my ex.

I know that legal alcohol use kills more people than illicit and/or illegal marijuana use, but moderate/social alcohol use is fine with me, marijuana use is a deal-breaker. Been there, done that, tossed the t-shirt back.

I don’t mind taking advice from other people and constructive criticism can definitely help me for the better, so I’m open to what others have to say to me. I am not down with being told what to do and how to do it. Trying to boss me under the guise of “cuz I’m the man” and/or “you will respect my ah-thor-itaye!!” is a deal-breaker. I’m not helpless and I can take care of myself. I’m looking for a partner, not a father.

This list is a work in progress.

Add a comment February 21, 2011

Drama-Free or Drama-Lite

Drama-Free or Drama-Lite

I spend entirely too much time in my own head, thanks to working with my hands and in relative peace and quiet, at home and at work, daily.

I was working up a piece about being drama-free, but I couldn’t get the thought out of my head, through my fingertips and onto the computer monitor. It just would not shed light upon itself. So, I got to thinking about what I even meant to say and realized that I do want some element of drama in my relationships, just not the kind of drama that I’m used to cropping up, for instance, when a person says something like “actions speak louder than words, so judge me by what I do, not what I say” and then they screw up (action) and they say it will never happen again (words) and then you call them on it when it does happen again and they get angry at you for judging them by what they do, not just what they say (true story). That kind of drama sucks and I’d really really like to avoid it in the future.

The kind of drama that I miss is that twinge of insecurity that you feel in the beginning of relationship when neither of the parties are sure where each other stand or where the relationship is heading. That touch of insecurity when you have the urge to send the other person a text message or make a phone call and you ask yourself “should I” and you do, because you can’t help yourself. The flush of relief when the message is received and is thus reciprocated in a positive fashion. That’s the kind of drama that is so mind boggling, yet exhilarating, at the same time. I love it.

Just so we are clear, I don’t do sucky drama. I don’t act out. I don’t bring the tears or the yelling. When it’s not working, I just move on.

I am so looking forward to drama-lite, though; the honeymoon phase of every promising relationship. I am so ready…

Add a comment February 21, 2011

Moving Forward

Feb 17

There was a time that I thought that I could not imagine the idea of being alone; being single, possibly forever.

This past year hasn’t even been the longest time I’ve ever had a dating dry spell.

If I’m being truthful, I would even note that I’ve dated far more duds than I’d like to admit and the older I get the less tolerant I am of the duds I’m meeting.

I’ve considered giving up the whole kit and kaboodle and settling in for a life of perpetual cat-lady solitude except for the fact that I enjoy certain things quite a bit and unfortunately, no matter how much I may dislike the dating scene, the only way I am going to get certain needs met is by, at least giving the appearance of, being interested in dating.

That is probably the number one reason I am moving forward instead of pulling myself completely off of the dating market. Of course, I could get those certain needs met without actually dating, but the truth is, I don’t have the stomach to settle for less. I want something reliable and I just don’t see that happening in a casual relationship, so I have to aim higher, even if that means being single longer.

I would still rather be a perpetual cat-lady well into my 90s than be in a miserable relationship for any part of the coming week/month/year/decade. I’m just hoping it’s not a choice I have to settle for. I mean, I love cats, but not THAT much.

Add a comment February 21, 2011

I May Be Jaded But I’m Still A Sucker For Romance

Feb 16

So I keep waffling and fence-sitting on the dating issue.

I wade into the the dating pool to get the brush off or rather the whole “I’m just not that into you, but I wouldn’t mind sleeping with you” nonsense, I jump out of the pool and wade for the sharks to pass and then wade in, again.

Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

So, it’s to the point where I’m either all in or either all out of the dating game, but getting out of the dating game feels like giving up. On the other hand, staying in feels like a sucker’s bet; like I’m playing the lottery knowing that I have a better chance of getting struck my thundersnow than by the love bug.

But, just as I’m about to say %&^$ it, in regards to the dating scene, somebody I know and love falls in love and then “bam” they are in a lasting relationship, which gives me hope that maybe if I hold out just a little longer that I’ll meet someone special too. Sadly, I have yet to meet a man who wanted anything more serious than “friends with benefits”, since I have been on the dating scene for over a year.

In any case, I’m jumping in, again, with both feet and hoping for the best, even though I’m not so sure that this is really worth the effort. I did meet a couple of people on OKCupid, in the past, and they turned out to be married or still attached to somebody significant and that wasn’t what I was looking for then or now. But, I’m also hearing from other friends, on this site, that they have met and had successful connections, so maybe I just need to wade a little longer in the pool.

I have nothing to lose if I don’t get any nibbles, but then I also don’t have anything to gain if I don’t put myself out there.

So, here I am. Are you worth wading for?

Add a comment February 21, 2011

Creative work is play. It is free specul

Creative work is play. It is free speculation using materials of one’s chosen form.~Stephen Nachmanovitch

Add a comment February 20, 2011

I’m For Real

You Are Nonfiction

You are mentally sharp and clear-minded. Facts matter to you, and you remember them well.
You are curious about the world, and many subjects interest you. You have a real thirst for knowledge.

You are willing to listen to any point of view, as long as it’s backed up with facts and logic.
You have nothing against fiction, but you definitely feel like the real world is interesting enough as is!

Are You Fiction or Non-fiction?
Blogthings: Our Quizzes Weren’t Written By Bored 12 Year Olds

Add a comment February 17, 2011

Favorite Anti-Valentine’s Quote

“I refuse to play that game this year. Being single has been good for me. I have learned that my happiness does not depend on someone else or the relationship I have with them. And it has taken me way too long to figure that out. I have learned that I have an unhealthy tendency to lose too much of myself in relationships.”

Revolutionary Atheist via~http://revolutionaryatheist.tumblr.com/

Add a comment February 14, 2011

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