Posts filed under: ‘interracial marriage‘

On Interracial Marriage & Why I Chose To Skip The Rainbeau This Time

Over the Rainbow (2010 TV series)

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My future husband and I have a lot in common. We are both musicians. We both love classic R&B music. We both love Brian McKnight. We both have an affinity for country music. We both look at the world as “glass half-full”. We have both faced adversity, recently, and overcome it with a more positive self-esteem for all that we have accomplished.

And, our first marriages were interracial. They were also pretty nasty experiences. Experiences that we would rather not repeat, regardless of the race or background of our loved ones.

I did not marry my first husband because of his race, I married him because we met and I fell in love with him. But, our marriage turned into a horrible mess and it had to be ended.

I have dated just about every flavor in the rainbeau. I tried to commit to the idea of getting out of the “nothing but a black man” mentality that many black women abide by and embraced wholeheartedly the idea that dating a man of another race and/or culture would be best.

I still support that general idea. But, in dating the rainbeau in the past two years I have learned (sometimes the hard way) that it’s the man’s character, not his race, that determines whether or not he is worthy of my affections. My first husband and several of the men I dated in the past have proved that race is no better predictor of character than religious faith.

I know there are rainbeau advocates out there that promote the “nothing but white man or (add race or culture of your own taste)”, but I can’t abide that mantra, any longer; and not just because I am getting married to a black man. I’ve searched the dating barrel for decades and found a lot of rotten apples of every color and taste. Just like I gave up the practice of polyamory (yes, my husband to be knows all about that part of my life), I have given up on the philosophy that the only man for me is anyone besides a black man.

J.P., my fiance’ and I have even discussed this, especially in light of the fact that I have rainbeau children; two kids by my first husband. We joke about how, since he fancies himself a singing cowboy, that he is probably the whitest black person that I know, so, in a way, he’s exactly what I was seeking, except, well, he’s not.

The things that matter most, he’s got in spades. His race nor my sexual preferences are a high enough priority to be deal breakers in our relationship. We enjoy the same foods, movies, and general activities. He loves my kids and they love him. We talk for hours, daily. He sends me love notes via text or email or on my Facebook wall. He’s amazing. He’s very respectful of me; even more respectful than my first husband ever was, even when times were great.

I love him. Even if he were purple with white polka-dots, I really made the right decision and I’m so lucky that he chose me to be his wife.


Add a comment March 30, 2011

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