Posts filed under: ‘health‘




Seriously Looking and Not Taking Myself Too Seriously


I mean, really, even I’m willing to admit that the minute some guy with nice arms and a genuine smile comes prancing in, even if my instinct tells me that he’s unavailable, I’m still gonna swoon. I’m still gonna imagine what it might be like to take him home and turn him into Baskins-Robbins.

Or maybe I’ll actually date the guy and I’ll be head over heels for about three months and then something will happen, the spark will die and/or he’ll just suddenly not text or call. Or he’ll be more into me than I am into him and I’ll have to literally file charges to get him to keep his distance.

Or maybe he’ll turn out to be gay and we’ll become BFFs and still never find “the one” while passing the time and commiserating over lemon meringue martinis on a warm summer night. (This one I wouldn’t mind, especially since I love lemon meringue martinis to death).

I recently read a quote somewhere that Taylor Swift ruined dating for the author because she set up all these unachievable examples of how to find true love (also noting that Ms. Swift is single, these days, as well). I admit that Taylor Swifts songs are so saccharine (albeit catchy) that they make me roll my eyes when I hear them. On the other hand, Britney Spears’ songs are catchy too and sexy, but they are also the extreme on the musical relationship dial; that is to say, that neither of their songs convey how actual relationships happen, but rather they convey (like all fiction should) the fantasy of how things could happen. Or, like I tell my kids, “these songs are fun to listen to, but they are not road maps, kids…”

The same goes for romantic comedies. There are far too many people that I run into (married and single), who believe that their love life will somehow work out like a romantic comedy. I realized that this was utter b.s. when I discovered that the wacky foibles that happen in real life are not as easy (or even cheap) to fix as they are in a 90 minute flick. Granted, I wish some things were possible, but trouble looks good on Justin Bateman because he’s a highly paid actor and I am never going to be able to do that “one thing” that Jennifer Aniston did in that movie because, well, you will never be able to pay me enough.

Seriously, I’m not looking for Prince Charming. I mean, really, when I see that visual, I think Prince Charles and his big ears and big nose and I’m totally turned off.

I’ll settle for a normal, every day, guy next door who might be a little wacky sometimes, but lives in the here and now and someone whom I can take seriously.

Besides, I would be lying if I said that I was SUCH an awesome catch that you need never worry about finding love with another…

Excuse me while I catch my breath from laughing so hard.

I wish I was THAT good. But, I’m just a woman that wants to be loved for who she is, warts and all. I very much desire for someone else to take me seriously enough to want to get to know my heart and mind, not just my body.

In the meantime, I’ll keep my wits and my sense of humor about me because if you can’t laugh, the other alternatives are tears or anger and this face is too pretty for all that drama.

Add a comment February 25, 2011

Diva Day: Learning To Enjoy Being Alone


This morning, I took a hot bubble bath and for lunch, I took myself out to Starbucks for a red velvet cupcake and a white chocolate mocha. It’s a weekly tradition that I have tried to participate in for 20 years.

I call it a “Diva Day”, now, but 20 years ago I used to call it a “Bitch Day” because I used to claim that day as an opportunity to say “no” where I might usually say “yes”. If I didn’t want to do it, I didn’t. Eventually, people who knew me knew not to ask unless it was the day before or the day after.

It’s not a huge deal, but it’s kind of a mental health day; an opportunity for me to get out around other adults. I don’t have to wait for a special date or any other special occasion; it’s Monday, Diva Day. It’s one way that I have learned to appreciate being single and being alone, even if others around me are coupled up. On Diva Day the point is NOT to share; the point is to relish the solitude and not having to explain the why or the how of anything.

Diva Day is a way to remind myself of why being single can be a lot of fun, such as not having to share my cake or rush to finish mine because I’m on somebody else’s schedule. I can go and sit and purposefully enjoy the swirled whipped icing, either using my fingertips or my tongue. I can catch the crumbs from the cake in my hands and pop them in my mouth or lick the palm of my hand like a youngster might do. I can get as big a coffee as I want or as many cupcakes as I fancy without concern, because I’m paying my own way so I can get exactly what I want without having to weigh out the possible “expectations”. It doesn’t matter where I sit or how I sit, I’m not sending out any kind of mixed signals except maybe “I wish I could sit in a comfy chair instead of this lame wooden one”. An added bonus is that 85% of other people there are also there alone, so nobody questions why I’m by myself. Of course, they may be pissed that I took one of the comfy seats, but hey, “you snooze, you lose…”

Sometimes a Diva Day takes me to the movies or to a restaurant, rather than a coffee and cupcake.

Each Diva Day that I actively participate in (since I sometimes get side-tracked by work, weather, or life, in general), is more empowering because it acts as a reminder that I do not have to be with someone else to enjoy myself; my happiness in “this moment” (or that one) does not need to rely on the presence of an “other” (significant or otherwise).

I enjoy my alone time, immensely. I’ve never really been the kind of woman that needed a guy in my stratosphere at all times, anyway. I’m more than happy to let the man/men in my life have all the space they needed (so long as we both still made time for the relationship/s).

Diva Day is still important, even when I’m in a positive, long-term relationship. Granted, I let it slide when I got married and had babies and finding time for myself was more about grabbing a moment than grabbing an afternoon. Now, thankfully, my kids are old enough to watch out for themselves for a few hours while I take myself out on my weekly jaunt.

Whether you call it “me time” or “a personal day” or “bitch day” or even, Diva Day, I highly recommend taking yourself out as part of a good mental health regimen, whether you are single or not.

Add a comment February 22, 2011

I’d Rather Be Single


.Single.

I wish I had more time to blog.

Maybe it’s because I don’t really have an audience, yet or because I am still trying to find my voice, but I really miss blogging like I did back in the day.

I don’t have the fire in my belly, anymore, about current events in the news the way I did back then. I do when I speak, publicly to people, but I don’t have the patience to put my thoughts and feelings into a blog post anymore.

It’s probably because my original motivation was my (then) husband and now that I don’t have anybody in my life who gives a crap what I think about current events, I don’t have the need to put my thoughts into a succinct format for all to digest, enjoy, and then share.

Actually, that is the one and only thing I miss about being married. The Ex and I had a shared love for political talk and he often asked my opinion on a multitude of subjects. I began blogging because he spent quite a bit of time overseas or away from home and blogging was a way for me to continue our conversations, even when he wasn’t around. My friends don’t share my same political views nor do they share my level of interest in politics or current events, so I don’t have anyone around to even help me formulate my thoughts or ideas on anything anymore.

It’s a blessing and a curse. I am enjoying my space. I like not having anybody taking up my time or energy. I like not having my blood-pressure raised because of disagreements (of any kind). On the other hand, I miss having someone around to debate with or learn from or to educate. I was naive enough to think that maybe, despite our marriage falling apart, that he and and I would always have that. I have to admit that I was heart-broken when I realized that we would never have another pleasant conversation, of any kind (unless there were witnesses around).

I guess it’s kind of a relief, though, that I don’t feel the desperation that I thought I would feel, this far from my divorce. I had this fear, and I almost fell into this trap, that I would suffer anxiety about being alone and that I would date anything that batted his eyelashes at me. After several failed relationship attempts and having to remind myself that I didn’t get out of a crappy marriage to end up in shitty relationships as a single girl, I finally got the message that I didn’t need the bullshit, even if I really did want a man in my life. It sucks that I had to give up dating, but it would suck worse if I were in a crap relationship out of desperation.

In any case, the further I go being single, the easier the road seems. The things that I thought that would drive me crazy for craving them, have subsided (i.e. sex, foreplay, dating, kissing, cuddling, companionship). Sure, I think about those things and there are fleeting moments where I long for those things, but I have gone from being mentally and emotionally obsessed with having those things to being resolved to be happy without those things.

It’s probably the new job, but I feel as good now as I have in a long time. I used to think that feeling came from being in a romantic relationship, but I am neither intellectually, emotionally, nor romantically involved with anyone, so the feelings that I feel are from love of self rather than love of someone else and that makes me feel a sense of pride and also a sense of ease. Though I would like to have somebody to love, I am proud that I have stood my ground and not settled for less than I deserve in a mate and I am more at ease with being single and alone and the fact that I do not feel lonely, anymore.

I have noted a downside to being this single and that is going to cause a problem for me in the future. I hate driving and I have an extreme fear of driving long distances. I suffer from bouts of anxiety when I have to drive anywhere outside my current city limits. Last year, I actually stayed in a relationship for far too long in order to have someone to drive me to the rendevous point for me to drop off/pick up the kids with The Ex. This year, I don’t anticipate having that problem so my new problem is not just driving with the kids to the drop off point but driving home and back all by myself. The only person I could get to go with me, my oldest son, works on the days that I have off, so he is out. Now I understand what might have motivated The Ex to get married so quickly (he has a bad back and can’t drive for more than a few miles at a time). So, I have to admit that finding a boyfriend or a battle buddy to help me with driving duties, this summer, is kind of weighing heavy on my mind. Whether it’s good or bad, I don’t anticipate that I will meet anyone to fill the void, so it’s time for me to start getting my head on straight about driving long distances alone.

Bummer. Story of my life, though. When I act desperate and wear my drama queen hat, I have no trouble finding a man…any man…to rescue me. Since I am determine to find a man on new terms, using my strengths rather than my weaknesses, it has been impossible to meet anyone worth my while and I’m not going to settle just because I need a wing-man for my summer road-trips to/from Kansas.

Truthfully, I am having a blast doing my crochet and my knitting and working my new job and hanging with my kids. It could be worse. I could be single AND unemployed.

I’d rather be single. 😉

Add a comment February 2, 2011

First Job Interview In Six Months


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Image by Sighthound via Flickr

And I’m kind of nervous.

I should be in bed, right now. But, I’m still feeling a little high strung.

I have been putting in applications and resumes since last December. I have had very few interviews of any kind and the most recent was in June of this year.

This is actually for a job that I have had my eye on for quite some time, even before I knew that they were hiring because it fits many of my family related criteria as well as my professional skill set, including being very close to home, 12 hours a day available to work, 7 days a week, so I won’t be pigeoned into regular 9-5 hours (for instance) so that will make it easier to juggle homeschooling my young’uns. The job involves customer service, attention to detail, and organizational skills. I am familiar with how the business works, as a visitor/customer and I have met and chatted with the owner in a social context and he seemed like a nice enough guy. It is just one of those jobs that I looked and said, “I wouldn’t mind doing this, if given the opportunity.” I just never knew there was an opportunity, until recently.

A friend of mine works there (we might there and became fast friends) and she and her fiance’ just got a new job in Utah and she will be moving in less than two weeks and that means there is a job opening at this location. She told me that she would and kept her word by giving me a good reference to her boss and he called me, today, to ask me if I would be interested in filling out an application and interviewing for the job! This is THE best lead I have had all year. Even if I don’t get the job, I’ll be forever grateful for the interview hook-up.

I can’t really say, at this point, whether I have a good or bad feeling about this. This also meets with another important criteria that I have of working for a mom & pop location versus a conglomerate. These days, big businesses have taken to using the internet to filter out undesirably candidates rather than taking the old-school route and actually encouraging potential employees to come to the store and fill out an application and meet a real live person. That’s how things worked back in the day and that is why I never had any trouble finding work in the 80s and 90s. Employers loved my great personality, sunny disposition and my clean look. I never had any doubt that getting face to face with the right manager/employer would guarantee me a job. Nowadays you are competing against a gazillion megabytes of data stacked against you and it’s unlikely a human will ever actually see your application or resume much less your face.

I actually could have been hired on my last interview, 6 months ago, but at the time I had scheduling conflicts that affected my hiring and thus, lost out on that job. Taking note of all of this, I can say that talking to THE owner of the business, having met and had pleasant conversation with him in the past, AND having a glowing recommendation from a current employee, plus my resume, I think I could have this job in the bag. BUT…I’m not getting my hopes up. It’s just that I do feel more confident than I have in a long time.

I’ll post more details in the next few days.

Add a comment December 29, 2010

Thanksgiving Day Blogthings: What Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Float Are You?



You Are Grover


You are like a superhero on Thanksgiving. You do enough work for three people.

You enjoy staying busy, and it’s likely that you have huge ambitious for your Thanksgiving meal.

 

You enjoy this holiday to the fullest, and you like to celebrate every tradition.

If you’re not up early watching the parade while having a special breakfast, something has gone really wrong!

What Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Balloon Are You?
Blogthings: Free Quizzes for Everyone

Add a comment November 25, 2010

Monday Blogthings: Are You A Marilyn Or An Audrey



You Are More Like Audrey Hepburn


You are classy, stylish, and charming. You are the true definition of grace.

Some people may think you’re a pushover, but they have no idea how tough you can be.

 

You tend to draw people in with your mind. You are an intelligent and witty flirt.

You are effortlessly gorgeous and naturally appealing. No one would accuse you of trying too hard.

Are You More Marilyn or Audrey?
Blogthings: Quizzes and Tests and Memes, Oh My!

Add a comment November 22, 2010

Tuesday Blogthings: What Role Do You Play?



You Are the Guru


You are a naturally good counselor. You are inspiring, encouraging, and compassionate.

You are eager to help everyone who crosses your path, even those who don’t want to be helped.

 

You are a natural healer. People feel at peace when they are with you.

You are so good for people, in fact, that they go through withdrawal once you’re gone.

You quietly do your own thing, without openly resisting. You secretly try to fix every problem.

Your biggest regret is not being able to help as many people as you’d like.

What Role Do You Play?
Blogthings: Take a Quiz. Annoy Your Friends.

Add a comment November 16, 2010

Blogthings Double-Feature: Take The Gift Box Test



You Are Generous With Your Friendship


You are a kind and compassionate person. You make friends with people from all walks of life.

You bond easily with people. You highlight what you have in common over where you disagree.

 

You aren’t superficial or status oriented. You love people for who they are – not what they have or how they look.

You believing maintaining and improving relationships. You do your best to be a good friend.

The Gift Box Test
Blogthings: Take a Quiz. Annoy Your Friends.

Add a comment November 13, 2010

Saturday Foodie Blogthings: What Sandwich Are You?



You Are a Club Sandwich


You are have a big personality. It’s hard for anyone to ignore you!

You dream big. You think big. And you eat big.

Some people consider you high maintenance, but you just know what you want… and when you want it.

 

Your best friend: The Tuna Fish Sandwich

Your mortal enemy: The Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

What Kind of Sandwich Are You?
Blogthings: We’re Not Shrinks, But We Play Them On the Internet

Add a comment November 13, 2010

Wednesday Blogthings: What Bake Sale Favorite Are You?



You Are Cinnamon Rolls


You are kind hearted and even a little bit shy. You appreciate home comforts more than the average person.

You are hard to get to know at first, but once someone gets to know you, they can really appreciate your subtle charm. 

Your friends can always count on your wit and wisdom. You may not say a lot, but what you have to say matters.

You are sweet because you are sensitive. You tread lightly and do your best not to ever hurt anyone.

What Bake Sale Favorite Are You?
Blogthings: Quizzes and Tests and Memes, Oh My!

Add a comment November 10, 2010

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